Saturday, April 15, 2017

Coming Out

Hi everybody! I'm Annie. I am bisexual, poly, kinky, and submissive.

Whew. It feels SO good to say that!

Normally the things I tell people about myself are the basics. I'm a small business owner. A puppy mama. A huge nerd. A pinup-ish fashionista. A foodie. A maker-of-things. A cocktail connoisseur.

But I've always held a few details back.

To be fair, I didn't know I was submissive and kinky until about 6 or 7 years ago, and I was married when I figured this out. The man I was married to was not dominant, or particularly kinky. Or particularly into sex with me. Or particularly into me. Either way, it was like discovering your favorite food only to be put on a liquid diet.

I only recently embraced that I am bisexual. I wasn't necessarily repressed... just in a little bubble where I assumed every girl liked other girls a little, too. It's silly when I think about it now. But I take that as evidence that it's something that's just always been a part of me. It didn't just start one day, I've just always been that way. I didn't choose it. I just am.

The reason I embraced my sexuality so abruptly is a 6'3" redheaded goddess named Fae. I met her randomly, at a kinky social event, and we were drawn to each other like magnets immediately. She will tell you that it was love at first sight.

I put the kibosh on her devious thoughts when I told her I was "super monogamous" and straight, and looking for this unicorn of a man to be my Dom/husband/baby daddy.

But two weeks later I ate crow and I was hers.

Fae is brilliant, nerdy (her Sith name is Darth Valzina), just as girly and into fashion as I am. A foodie who adores my cooking, and yes, she is a Domme. (If you couldn't tell by looking at her...) I call her Daddy.

She also came with a long-term boyfriend, and was dating a few other people when we met.

Once we established we needed to be as near to each other as possible all the damn time, we also established that I still wanted a man in my life. (Needed, even?) So I continued to date, although not nearly as desperately as I had felt before meeting her. And I became comfortable labeling myself as polyamorous.

Two weeks in, we were in New Orleans together, both dancing around saying "I love you". A week later, she let it slip a handful of times, and I finally got over my anxiety because life is just too damn short not to be in love.

A week later, I went on my first date with Ian. Ian is brilliant, also nerdy as fuck (he is currently reading The Lord of the Rings to me), sweet as pie, a food enthusiast the likes of which I've rarely met, and he has a doggo for Indy to play with (although Buddy is 80 lbs to Indy's 6).

It's only been a few weeks with Ian, but we are both hooked. And I feel like I am having my cake and eating it too. Only, everyone in this situation is aware of everything. Ian doesn't want to step on Fae's toes, and Fae doesn't want to selfishly keep me all to herself, and we all talk about it, and they get along brilliantly, and it's given me room to fantasize about a life I could never have fathomed.

I have always maintained that the family you choose mean just as much (if not sometimes more) as the family you are born into. And I have this opportunity to build a huge tribe of support and love and affection. Not only with Fae and Ian, but Fae's partners, Ian's if he decides he wants another, and all of our close friends who know all about us, and support us completely.

I am learning to slow down and process my emotions before I react. I'm conditioned to be jealous and envious, only now I am analyzing those feelings and owning my own emotions. I'm totally allowed to feel what I feel, I just won't be a dick about it.


Before I met Ian, I was envious of Fae and her boyfriend Bobby. I wanted what she had with him. I wasn't envious of his time with her, he makes her so damn happy, and gives her many things that I can't. And I am ecstatic for her to have her cup overflowing. Polyfolk call this "compersion", I learned. It's the feeling of joy at your partner's joy. I am happy that she is so loved and happy. I like her partners, my paramours. We talk often of our future and how life could be with this big poly family we are building.

I don't sleep with her partners, she doesn't sleep with Ian... that's all fairly separate. (And that's not to say things are off the table there... everyone has fantasies, and since we are all also kinksters, there tends to be a bit of overlap from time to time.)

So... this is me coming out. I named this blog "TMI, Annie" when I started it two years ago... and I think it's about to finally start living up to that name. I'll save the graphic details for my Tumblr blog... but I also won't be hiding any part of my life anymore. Or any part of myself.

2 comments:

  1. I am so happy you found you. Live your truth, love your truth.

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  2. Good for you. Polly relationships aren't for everyone, but for those who can let it in these relationships can be beautiful. My advice, if you're interested, is to pace yourself. Feel all the feels, have great fun, explore, and pace yourself. Cheers to you and yours (Nancy)

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